My Montessori Toileting Journey with My Toddler: Trusting the Process

Our Montessori Toileting Journey: Trusting the Process

Toileting is one of the most significant milestones in a child's early years, and every journey is as unique as the child embarking on it.

When it came to my toddler, I knew that following a Montessori approach would be the most respectful, gentle, and effective way to navigate this important step. It’s an approach rooted in trusting the child, respecting their individual pace, and allowing them to lead the way.

Why Montessori Doesn't Call It "Toilet Training"

In Montessori philosophy, the term "toilet training" is rarely used because it implies that the adult is actively teaching or controlling the process. Instead, Montessori refers to it as "toileting," recognizing that this milestone is a natural developmental process rather than something that needs to be trained. By respecting the child’s ability to master this skill in their own time, we acknowledge their inner capabilities and foster a sense of autonomy.

No Rewards or Punishments – Just Respect and Trust

Montessori also does not advocate using rewards or punishments in toileting. This approach is based on the belief that toileting is a personal journey and should be guided by the child's intrinsic motivation.

When rewards are used, children may become dependent on external validation rather than developing self-motivation and pride in their accomplishments. Similarly, punishments can lead to feelings of shame or anxiety, which can hinder progress and create negative associations with toileting.

Instead, Montessori emphasizes respect, patience, and trust, allowing the child to develop confidence and a sense of responsibility at their own pace.

Letting the Child Take the Lead

In our home, we’ve embraced the idea that every child knows their body best. Instead of imposing a schedule or insisting on mastering toileting in a certain number of days, we trusted that our child would let us know when they were ready.

This meant no pressure, no training, no rewards, and no punishments. Just quiet support.

Creating an Environment of Independence

Montessori principles emphasize the importance of the prepared environment, so we made sure that our home was set up to encourage independence:

• Access to a clean, dry potty at all times in easily accessible locations, ensuring it’s always available when needed.
• Underpants that are easy to pull on and off independently, fostering a sense of self-reliance.
• Ensuring my toddler could always find everything they needed to succeed on their own.
• The goal was to allow my child to feel empowered, knowing that they were fully capable of handling this milestone.

Applying Experience from My Firstborn's Journey

Having gone through this process before with my firstborn, I knew that some strategies would be helpful again:

• We decided to bring the portable potty along on car rides and when visiting family or friends' homes if we were staying for extended hours. This ensured that our toddler had access to a familiar toileting option wherever we went.
• For situations where toilets were inaccessible, such as road trips, we didn’t hesitate to switch back to diapers temporarily. This flexibility kept things stress-free for everyone.
• We continued using night diapers for a longer period until my toddler was ready to go through the night without them.

Once my secondborn became comfortable with sitting on a potty, I might consider introducing a standing urinal for outdoor use, providing another option for independent toileting.

A Helpful Tip for Car Rides

One particularly useful tip I learned was to place a sanitary pad or a folded diaper in the potty insert during car rides.

This simple addition helps collect pee or poop, making it easy to contain and dispose of waste, and keeping the portable potty clean during travel.

Staying Cool During Regressive Behaviors

Having the experience with my firstborn taught me to expect regressive behaviors and to handle them with grace and understanding. I trusted that muscle memory would eventually kick in, and even if there were setbacks, we'd never have to start from scratch.

This mindset helped me stay calm and positive, allowing my toddler to feel safe and supported even during challenging moments.

Handling Accidents with Gentleness and Support

Mistakes are seen as opportunities for learning. When accidents happened (and they did), we remained gentle, supportive, and empathetic. Instead of showing frustration, I reassure my toddler that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s a natural part of learning. We made cleaning up a collaborative effort:

• Wiping the floor together with a cloth.
• Using a sanitizing spray to keep things hygienic.
• Tossing soiled clothes into the washer.
• By involving my toddler in this process, they felt a sense of responsibility and pride, learning that accidents are simply a part of growing up, not something to be ashamed of.

Honoring Every Child's Pace and Readiness

Every child's needs are different, and it's essential to honor and respect their individual pace and readiness for toileting. Some children might be ready earlier, while others may take a bit longer – and that's perfectly okay.

Each family’s toileting habits and routines are also different, shaped by their unique circumstances and experiences. What matters most is creating an environment of trust, patience, and respect.

Trusting in the Child’s Journey

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned through this experience is to trust in my child’s journey. Every child develops at their own pace, and this journey is an important step in fostering independence, self-confidence, and body awareness.

By being patient, supportive, and trusting in the process, I’ve seen my toddler gain mastery over this milestone in his own time.